Fremont Mom Unlikely Gay Activist
By Sandhya Somashekhar
-- The Argus, February 02, 2004
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Belinda Dronkers-Laureta |
FREMONT, CA -- Belinda Dronkers-Laureta didn't always consider herself an activist.
"I never saw myself that way until others pointed it out to me," said the wife
and mother of three. "I think I've just always been motivated by a feeling that
nobody should feel isolated."
Nevertheless, the 53-year-old Fremont resident has made a name for herself
across the country as a strong advocate for gay, lesbian, bisexual and
transgender youth, pushing for political and social change for almost a decade.
Now, Dronkers-Laureta, a Filipina-American, is expanding her activism further as
co-founder of API Family Pride, a Bay Area support organization for Asian and
Pacific Islander families dealing with issues of sexual orientation and gender
identity.
Dronkers-Laureta's first foray into advocacy came in 1993, when her son, Lance,
then 19, stunned the family by announcing he was gay.
"No parent is prepared for that kind of news," she said. "At the time, I didn't
really understand what gay meant."
As her son emerged from the closet, Dronkers-Laureta said, she went in.
She struggled to find the words to tell extended family members, many of whom
believed that there could never be any gays in the family, she said. She stopped
telling friends about her son's achievements. She began to feel as alienated as
he must have felt for so many years, she remembers.
Then, she said, she decided to become educated. She sought out support from
Parents, Friends and Family of Lesbians and Gays, and unwittingly became one of
the founding members of the Fremont chapter. Then, she began speaking out at
school board meetings, encouraging educators to provide resources and safe
havens for their gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and questioning students.
When she finally broke the news to her family, some were confused, she said.
Others objected, saying homosexuality was wrong in the eyes of God. But her
revelation inspired a great uncle, an aunt and three cousins to come out, too.
And the world learned her family secret when she and her husband, John, and
their children -- minus Lance, who was living in New York -- were spotted on the
nightly news marching in the San Francisco Gay Pride parade.
By 1998, she said, activism was her full-time job.
She's an example of the kind of unlikely ally fighting battles across the
country, said Ron Schlittler, director of the field and policy office at the
national PFLAG office in Washington, D.C.
"They're operating from a place of love for their kids," he said. "They're
recognizing systematic unfairness and harassment that are very much part of our
culture, and they're outraged."
Today, Dronkers-Laureta speaks of her experiences at conferences and workshops
around the world.
Her experiences were chronicled in a book called "Always My Child" by Kevin
Jennings. Soon, she will lead a workshop alongside Lance, who also is an
activist.
Her new project is geared toward Asian and Pacific Islanders, who she says
encounter a different set of challenges when coming to terms with a gay member
of the family.
"API families don't traditionally talk about sex," she said.
"And they won't look for help in a support group. They wouldn't want to
broadcast their family dealings to a big group."
Rather than using traditional support groups popular in this country, API Family
Pride will connect with families on a one-on-one basis and in social settings,
such as birthday parties and baby showers, she said. Also, the organization is
trying to recruit enough translators to answer questions in families' native
languages.
That way, she said, Asian families dealing with gay issues won't have to do it
alone.
"Being an immigrant, I know something about isolation," she said.
"Being shameful of my son at the time he came out, I was hiding. I was isolated
again. That's not right for anybody to be isolated from community."
Information about API Family Pride is available by calling (510) 818-0887 or at
www.apifamilypride.org.